LISTEN UP YOU!
Oops, sorry - I had my elbow on the shift key there. Todays's topic is the delicate art of the flame war - specifically as it applies to photography. Those of you who are skilled already may sit in the coffee shop until the next class. The rest of you - LISTEN UP!
The first rule of the internet war is there is no first rule. The internet allows you to be as rude as you like to anyone with no fear of retaliation. If you use a pseudonym or anonymous or just photocopy your backside and submit it as an avatar you are allowed to insult, traduce, and appall the entire connected world. Of course a great deal of your audience is composed of teenagers sitting in Mum's basement, and they are going to be able to post snide comments all day long, but persist and you will eventually be able to reach the photographers out there.
Select one who has been adventurous enough to submit some images to Flicker or another site, and who has mentioned the camera system they use. Cut the images to pieces and condemn them as a fool for using whatever equipment they own. Insist that the opposition camera would have been much better. Sneer in print. USE CAPITALS TO OFFEND!!!!
Technical note: The team pairings for camera fights are generally Canon/Nikon and Panasonic/Olympus. Leica/Fuji is also a good one. Hasselblad is hard to call out but I suppose the other medium format jobs like Phase One might be invoked. Cross -exchanges are also possible but start to be a bit silly when the Linhof/Lomo brigade get started...
You do not have to be right. You do not have to be logical. You need never have owned the equipment referred to. Indeed, you need never have taken a photograph in your life - the point of it all is to argue. You may be forced by your chracter to go through the rest day in a haze of kindliness and harmony but while you are on the Flapoflex Rumours Forum you can be a hellion.
The beauty of the old Dell in Mum's basement is that unlike a camera club, no-one can see you and scoff at you - and unlike a photographic shop, no-one can press you to buy something. It is photographic criticism without guilt and guilt without photographic criticism. Win.
Heading image: Melbourne Hot Rod Show.
Trailing Image: Sydney giant block of chocolate.
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